I recently went to a great restaurant that has dancing on Friday nights. I was so excited until the band started up, when I discovered that they were a Grateful Dead sounding band that did lots of Allman Brothers cover tunes. That took some wind out of my sails. To make matters worse, when my friend and I got to the edge of the dance floor and saw only six or so people on it, I wanted to bolt. "I don't know how to dance to this, " I thought, but my friend was shimmying as she watched the other dancers. She liked the Allman Brothers. She's a good dancer. She could dance to country music if she wanted. "I'm going out there," she said. I tried to pull her back from the abyss. "I'm not quite ready." I said. My friend is polite. She waited about a minute for me to get up the gumption to cross the line. Then she made her move and bopped past the bystanders. I took a breath and followed her, diving into the cold, crisp waters of the under-populated dance floor, where I allowed myself to fall. Not literally, just internally. I fell through the awkwardness of finding my rhythm to music I didn't know. I fell through the self-consciousness of not knowing into a space of not knowing. And there I found a beat, one that my torso and limbs could connect with and express to. I breathed. And smiled at my friend who was beaming a bright smile back at me. Life was good.
The words I use to describe the process of moving into pleasure and expansion are Stretching and Falling. We stretch our physical bodies so that our muscles gain tone and length, so that we can feel more space and freedom in our bodies, and protect ourselves from injury. Similarly, it is important to stretch our consciousness if we want to maintain a healthy, vital and enthusiastic spirit. Ah, enthusiasm. Why, if stretching ultimately feels so good, is it often so hard to be enthusiastic about? Because when we move towards expansion and pleasure, we usually encounter some amount of discomfort, which most humans expertly avoid. Falling is an act of faith. It requires you to trust that the discomfort of your stretch will be short lived, and that the aliveness of the unknown will be waiting for you on the other side. Falling permits you to keep flowing and not get stuck in the awkwardness that usually precedes positive change.
Is stretching really necessary? If you want to preserve your spontaneity, your fluidity and your presence, then absolutely, yes. Otherwise, feel free to remain crusty, comfortable and knowing what you know. You will know something is a stretch for you if it is new, and it is something you feel somewhat uncomfortable at the prospect of doing but very excited at the possible results. If you are a workaholic, taking on a really big project is not a stretch, even though it may stretch your artistic abilities a bit. You are still in your element and your comfort zone. An example of a stretch for a workaholic would be to take off a whole day to rest, smack in the middle of a project. I have some exceedingly social, foodie friends who love to eat out. They were joking about the" rut" they were in with the same few restaurants they frequent. They wanted to expand and asked me if I knew any new neighborhood places they would like. I suggested that if they really wanted to try something new, they should stay at home, each cook a dish, and feed it to each other.
The words stretching and falling are metaphors which help me stay connected to the daily process of expanding and being present. I imagine stretching the hardened edges of my habits and my persona and falling more deeply into who I really am. Are you interested? Below are some stretches that you can take, but not all in one day. Give yourself a week, a month, a year. Allow yourself in time to fall into the pleasure and awareness that awaits you and that is your birthright.
Walking Stretch
Take off the Ipod. Turn off your cellphone. Take the constant to-do list down from your inner fridge door. And when you walk that everyday walk to the train or to get groceries, walk it with totally new eyes. Receive the amazing colors and textures of the environment around you. Soften your body. Feel your feet touching the pavement through your shoes. Connect with your pinkies. Smell the amazing (and in NYC not so amazing) scents that arise and subside. Listen to the sounds of the cars and the passersby. Make eye contact with your neighbors. Breathe into any discomfort about being so aware. Then take another breath and see what happens.
Eating Stretch
You may already have done an eating meditation, and it amazes me that something so simple is such a big stretch for so many people. Try to actually just eat and taste your food. No phone. No TV. No music. No conversation. No conversations you wanted to have earlier in the day but were too repressed to have and so you are having them in your head at dinner. Just you, your food, your tastebuds and your stomach.
Couples Stretch
Does the thought of sitting with your close friend or lover for five minutes without talking or having sex bring up anxiety for you? Yup, it's a stretch. It will be fascinating and bonding. No words. No embrace. Just five whole minutes of sitting on the couch with each other in as much eye contact as possible, falling into what is, in an attempt to discover your connection beyond words. Then debrief. Notice what happens to the connection when you start talking again.
Sexual Stretch
Give yourself time to go to a sex store alone and browse. Let yourself fall into the knowledge of the items that really turn you on. Fall through any shame that comes up and into your curiosity. Rent porn. If this exercise is not a stretch for you at all, you may frequent these stores and probably already watch porn. It may even be a habit for you. The stretch for you is to simply make love with your partner or your self, with no fantasies, no porn, no toys. Just bodies, sensation and breath.
Enlightenment Stretch
Make a commitment to catch yourself the next time you feel victim to your life circumstances. We all do it. In the middle of it, while you are believing your story wholeheartedly with both hands tied behind your back (metaphorically speaking), stretch yourself past your thoughts right into the feeling behind them and fall into it. Keep falling, all the way down into the place where you are absolutely free.
SpiritPlay describes the healing services offered by Blair Glaser, a healer and psychospiritual therapist available for consultation by phone or in person. Blair's work offers insight to individuals and groups about their inner work and purpose, and offers playful ways for people to feel more alive, in touch with their bodies, minds and spirits. Women may be interested in Blair's workshops dedicated to women's issues. Join the SpiritPlay e-mail list to receive dates of upcoming workshops and Blair's monthly newsletter. Send an e-mail to info@spiritplay.org.
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