Crabgrass, dandelions, thistles and pigweed – plants I would rather not find in my flowerbeds. Yet, there they are, week after week. Oh, I could kill them with a multitude of pesticides and herbicides but I really do not want the runoff from these chemicals flowing down into the vegetable garden and then flowing around inside my body. I have enough things battling on my inside that I do not need to add more chemicals. Instead, I get on my knees and pull. At first, I grab fists full of weeds. This brings immediate satisfaction until I realize I am only pulling what is on the surface. I try another approach and pull small batches. I pull and pull and pull, yet I never move from the spot where I started. Pull. Pull. Pull. Wait a minute! I pulled weeds just like these the last time I weeded. Instead of disappearing, they multiplied and came back stronger than before.

Feeling that I was fighting a loosing battle, I pull fists full of weeds again. This approach still did not work. The tighter I held on, the more likely I was to pull only the stem of the plant. The root needed to come out. I had to find the root of each weed before I could really get rid of them. This required patience – something that was growing thinner by the minute. I could not get to the root unless I took a spade and dug around the plant to release the root from the hard, dry soil. The frustration began to build as I realized that twenty minutes later, I had not moved from the section in which I started. Tears, not sweat, began trickling down my face.  Now what! Where were the tears coming from? Then it hit me. My frustration was not about the weeds in the flowerbeds, it was about the weeds in my life.

During quiet time earlier that morning, I had reflected on a crisis that affected my entire immediate family including my parents, siblings and spouse. This crisis was not a one-time event, but one that had roots generations deep. Instead of producing a bouquet of flowers, it produced weeds. Weeds of control, unworthiness, anxiety, fear of failure, resentment, secrets, power over and addiction. As I sat there in front of my flowerbed crying, I realized the weeds in my life were not going to go away until I dug deep to the root cause. I could not grab with a tight fist and pull these weeds out of my life. Instead, I had to let go. Let go of trying to control the actions of those around me. Let go of the anxiousness I felt regarding the decisions others made. Let go of my own fear of failure. Let go of resentments. Let go of secrets. Let go of people who tried to have power over me. Let go of one that I could not save due to the addictions in their life. Let go.

Letting go is not easy. It is not a one-time action but a lifelong process of checking in with the garden found within each of us. Just like weeds in my flowerbeds, when the weeds in our lives get out of control, our creative juices stop flowing and we die. Weeding is not easy Get out your tool bag – journal, pray, meditate, seek counsel, talk to a friend, scream out to the Divine One. Soon, you will be amazed at the garden inside waiting to burst forth with bloom.