I have always desired to know God—to have a personal, living, breathing relationship with my Creator. At the same time, I didn’t even know what God was. My religion taught me that God was this omnipotent being outside of myself; someone up there who was looking down at me, watching my every move. I was taught that God is some supreme being who judges me for the way I live my life, and in the end decides if I am worthy to enter into the gates of Heaven or banished to the fires of Hell. 

Along with my desire to know God, I have had a desire to know Love. I’m talking about the real deal Love with a capital “L”—the God is Love kind of Love. This desire has not always been in my conscious thoughts, but it has always been at the core of my existence.  

I was an avid churchgoer in my pursuit. I even attended church when I lived away at college. I got married in a church, we brought our children up with religion as a focus, and I even taught religious education. I longed to feel God’s Love—God’s embrace. 

So how did I fall out of religion? And why have others walked away from theirs? Perhaps the sequence of events that leads to someone walking away from their religion is actually orchestrated by God? Perhaps those sequences were a response to a secret desire—a desire to know God or to know Love—and this prayer being answered? Looking back, I can see that this was the case for me. 

I had been increasingly disgruntled with the demeaning and shameful undertone of my religion. With the introduction of a new pastor, these undertones were becoming more prevalent. I was noticing that the pastor’s sermons were leaving me feeling frustrated, flawed, and that I was a disappointment to God rather than uplifted and closer to God. The religious coordinators were attempting to shame the adolescents into better behavior, and then the religious sex scandals just pushed me over the edge.  

At first I was angry and blaming. I thought this sequence of events had interrupted my connection with God. Initially, I wanted the church to change so that I could keep attending. Yet, as I look back, I can see that this sequence of events and the people involved were supporting my pursuit to know Love and to know God as Love. Once I found the courage to free fall, God’s almighty arms were there to catch me, so to speak. I couldn’t see it then, but I can see it clearly now. God had been patiently waiting for me. 

The teachings I had learned and what I had experienced, had given me a foundation from which I could develop my own interpretations—my own Truths; Truths that were in alignment with my strong belief that God is Love.  

Shame versus Love

My religion had a tendency to shame people into being better people—to shame them into maturity, you might say. They preached that God was Love, yet the path on which they trod treats sentient beings with submission, condescension and shame.  

My spirit has never embraced these treatments. My path of Love does not endorse them. My path endorses honoring, respecting and cherishing of all sentient beings. The path of Love that I choose to walk is illuminated by compassion and understanding.

I have come to realize that I didn’t come here to please God. I came here to learn how God expresses through me, to be a vehicle for God’s Love. I came here to learn to have positive impact. That’s what “Let go and let God.” means to me. Perhaps rather than asking yourself if your actions would be pleasing to God before you act, you might ask yourself, what would God do in this situation? Then let God illuminate the path that leads to the highest outcome for all involved.  

I like to explore a situation from the “how interesting” perspective. How interesting that people use shame as a motivator, and, why was this shame motivator so prevalent in my religion? As I asked God this question, the picture I saw so clearly was the crucifix as a subliminal message to crucify those who are different. Those who are different—those who’s words and actions provoke thought can be irritating to those of my religion. Wow! People of my religion were just doing what they had been subliminally programmed to do. No wonder they felt righteous and justified. All of a sudden, it all made sense. 

Those who are different provoke thought in others. From there, you have a choice to explore the thoughts, or to crucify those who are provoking them. Even people who leave their religion often attempt to blame those who provoked them to leave. They crucify who or whatever circumstances provoked their choice to leave with their words and thoughts. That is what they were taught and some never get past this point. Shaming just seems like a modern day version of crucifixion. 

Shame does not lend way to better people and a better world; Love does. Sometimes parents shame their children, teachers shame their students, and clergy shame their members—often under the pretense that it will make them better people. If you have been programmed to shame, it is likely that you will even shame yourself when you find yourself to have made a less than desirable decision. There is no growth and no healing that comes with shame. It just adds insult to injury. Remorse is important and valuable. When you can experience remorse, forgive yourself, heal, learn and grow there is value to your experience. 

Shame dumping has been going on for generations. Obviously people are not giving thought to its effectiveness or its detriment. People desire connection. Connection is a vulnerability that needs honoring and embracing. If you threaten it, you are using this vulnerability with which to hurt or manipulate. From there, the person threatened will either conform to reconnect or rebel. If they rebel, they sometimes connect with other rebels, often rebelling against those who threatened their connection. People wouldn’t rebel or conform if connection was not important. Even those who are quick to shame desire connection—often shaming as a means to remain connected. 

The more filled you are with shame, the more shameful your life becomes. A shameful life is mediocre at best, hellish at worst. When filled with shame, your time and energy are spent either attempting to prove that you are not shameful, or to prove that you are valuable. Life appears to be hellish at times from this perspective because it is mixed with examples of how shameful you are.

Those who have been Loved into maturity embrace life and see it as a place rich with opportunity, and in support of their heart’s desires. Those who have been shamed into maturity are always consciously or unconsciously in preparation of, or defending against attack. Those who have been shamed into maturity see life as an out-to-get-you-if-you-put-your-guard-down kind of place. A place they are struggling to survive in. 

I’ve spent years working through all the shame that was dumped on me by my family, religion and society under the guise of helping me to become a better person. I spent many years trying to prove my value—doing the same thing, hoping for a different outcome, and proving in the end what I already believed … I’m not valuable—as many people do. I have gone deep into my shame, learned, changed, forgiven myself, and emerged with gratitude for those who were showing me what I already believed, even when I didn’t realize it. I also emerged with more wisdom, greater compassion and more Love in my heart. Now I choose to learn a lot more gently. If what I’m doing isn’t working, I get help! 

“God Made Man in His Likeness”

I believe that Divine Love is at the core of everything. When you look at life from that perspective it is magical, miraculous and even heavenly. I believe that God is Love and expresses itself everywhere. I, now, know that I am always in God’s embrace. I really get that! From my religious upbringing, I learned that God has no gender. From my own experience, it makes sense to me that the Divine is of both genders—God and Goddess—with Masculine and Feminine aspects, just like us. This is what I believe “God made man in his likeness” truly means. It just works for me.  

Our own masculine and feminine aspects are sometimes referred to as mind and heart, or thinking and feeling, or left and right brain. The reference to above and below, and Heaven and Earth are referring to God and Goddess—Divine Masculine and Divine Feminine. These are some interpretations that have helped me to mold my personal, living, breathing, relationship with God and with Love. 

My religion had lost touch with the value of the Divine Feminine—the Goddess—and its portrayal of the Divine Masculine had become tyrannical. This lost value of the feminine had filtered into my own personal relationship with my own inner feminine and inner masculine. When shame is the motivator, our inner feminine quickly retreats. When shamed enough, you realize that it’s not safe to express this innocent, vulnerable part of you so you begin protecting her. She is multi-faceted. She is your creative self, emotional self, intuitive self and the part who holds your heart’s desires. She is innocent and vulnerable and lies dormant and undeveloped in most. Consequently, the masculine is left to operate solo under these conditions, and his feminine partner is perceived as a burden. 

The feminine was only revered for giving birth in my religion. Women were even forbidden from doing certain tasks at our church. In our society women often struggle with their value because they consciously or unconsciously feel less than just because of their gender. Even the drive to bear children can become an obsession for women due to an unconscious desire for value and purpose. Maybe if more couples learned to value their inner feminines, infertility statistics would decline? I’d be willing to place money on it. 

When your inner masculine and inner feminine are out of balance, it can manifest as some aspect of your life being out of balance. It can present itself in the form of a health issue, relationship discord, or financial struggles. When out of balance in mass proportions it can express globally as attacks on the innocent, declining economies and war.

My relationship with the Goddess is directly related to my relationship with my inner feminine. As I have acknowledged and embraced the beauty and power of the Goddess, the suppression of the beauty and power of my own inner feminine has become obvious. I can see how my own history of health, relationship and financial discord has reflected my sometimes conscious and sometimes unconscious choice to suppress.

When your inner masculine is on his own, he becomes chauvinistic, martyred and tyrannical. Innocence and vulnerability are seen as weak, burdensome and worthless when he’s working solo. When your inner masculine honors your inner feminine, they work as partners. When in partnership, innocence and vulnerability are perceived as powerful, beautiful, valuable and freeing.  

Heaven and Hell

My religion introduced me to the concepts of Heaven and Hell and to their interpretation. If you are good in God’s eyes you go to Heaven and if you are bad, you go to Hell—reward or punishment. So, if you follow that through, it must mean that if you are good you are blessed and if you are bad you are cursed. That theory doesn’t work for me.  

Personally, I think that Heaven and Hell have more to do with the Law of Attraction than anything else. All I know is, that makes more logical sense in my world. The Law of Attraction states that you attract into your life whatever you focus on. If you believe that you are shameful or flawed, you will attract situations that will demonstrate it. You may argue this point, but if you are trying to prove that you are of value, it is because secretly you believe otherwise. Sometimes a focus is unconscious. If so, all you have to do is look to your outer reality to bring it to consciousness. Ask yourself, what must I believe to have created this?  

When you are trying to prove to others that you are … (fill in the blank), it is because you believe that you are not. Those who value themselves have nothing to prove, yet demonstrate their value all over the place. Simply said, they are a magnet for situations that demonstrate what they know with every ounce of their being to be true, that they are of value.  

I’m not sure if Heaven and Hell are right here right now, or if we are in practice to experience them after death, but I do believe that the concept is the same either way. So why not experience a little bit of Heaven right now? It can only get better after death! 

There is no learning or growth that comes with shame. The only thing to be learned is to avoid being shamed again in the future because it hurts so much. When you are living your life to avoid being shamed, you are expecting to be shamed. Remember the Law of Attraction, if shame is your focus, life will be mediocre at best, hellish at worst.

When you are Loved into maturity, learning, healing and growth are the focus and life is supportive of your heart’s desires. If you have been shamed into maturity, there will be some healing to be done if you want to experience Heaven. We are layered and we are complex, and there are many guides and multiple roads leading to Heaven. As my friend and teacher, JaneAnn Dow, once said, “There is no such thing as drive-thru enlightenment.” 

Saviors

I can’t leave out my take on saviors. I would never argue that Jesus wasn’t a savior. However, I think saviors are more prevalent than most think. Maybe God gave us Jesus to show us what to look for in future saviors, personally and globally? That’s just my guess. 

In her most exasperated moments, my mother would say, “I hope you have a child just like you!” Was she blessing me in that moment? Not consciously! Well, I did have that child—my son, Andy. He was my savior. He helped me to heal my past and to redefine my future.  

How might someone help you to heal your past and redefine your future, you might ask? Well, I had to change my perspective in order to see my son in this light. I had to face the reasons why I was irritated with him, and stop blaming him for irritating me. Through this shift in consciousness, I was able to receive Andy’s help in healing my own wounded child within. If I hadn’t shifted my perspective, I would have filled him with shame for irritating me, just as I had been filled by others. My daughters were equally as valuable in this pursuit; however, Andy is the one who woke me up to the possibility.  

Andy changed my world just by being born into it. He was one of my greatest teachers. I get some credit too, because I woke up to the call for change and did what it took to be able to receive him as a gift.

There will always be people you find irritating at times—those who push your buttons. Your energy will magnetize them to you. This is just one of the ways God challenges you to grow. When you can experience it with awe, it’s pretty amazing. When Andy was younger, I referred to him as “the one I grow the most with.”

When I was irritated, I was being gifted with an opportunity to heal my own wounded child, to better understand and forgive my parents, and to grow in wisdom and compassion. This newfound wisdom and compassion helped me to redefine my future. Ever since I learned to use these opportunities to my advantage, my life has been becoming more and more heavenly!

Summary

So there you have it, Dr. Trish’s Path of Love, falling out of religion and into the arms of God. I am so grateful for my religious experience and in awe of how it led me into the arms of my Creator. I am fascinated by Love. It is enchanting, mysterious and wonderful! I desire to express from a place of Love and I desire to receive my life as an expression of Love. If a theory helps me to be more loving, I’m all about it, even if I have to make it up myself!  

You can pretend that things don’t bother you and talk yourself into believing that you are coming from a place of Love with your thoughts, words and actions or you can sincerely come from that place. Sincerely coming from that place can take some effort, exploration and require help at times. I acknowledge and am aware of my impact and desire for it to be positive. I desire for my will to be God’s Will and sincerity is my path to this end. 

Even those walking a conscious path have unconscious moments—moments where they see their saviors as enemies or temptations—and their actions pursue. In those unconscious moments they are capable of hurting others. Those who are conscious will re-visit their unconscious moments to retrieve the growth and healing. This doesn’t make them better than, it simply means that they are choosing a more heavenly path. 

A shame-filled person will never experience more than a glimmer of Heaven. Their energy magnetizes what feels like Hell and their perspective confirms it. A Love-filled person is one who knows God up close and personal. A Love-filled person can even choose to experience what some might label a “hellish situation,” as a piece of Heaven. 

I am a thinker. I have never been great at taking advice that couldn’t be backed with sound reasoning. That’s just me. I would never recommend that someone leave their religion, their marriage, their family of origin, or any other situation unless it was dangerous. I help people to see what they are doing, why they are doing it and to do some healing so that they can make better choices. What I have shared makes sense to me and works in my life. If any of it makes sense to you, try it on for size. 

So there it is—God is Love in my definition—nothing fancy, just a path of humility leading to Heaven. I know that Love is at the core of every experience. In my pursuit for sincerity, I am bathed and nurtured by life … by the Goddess … by Love. I am protected, safe and supported in the arms of God as Love. I see life as magical, as Love in full expression. I immerse myself in it, I embrace it, and I am embraced by it. I love to end the day soaking wet with experience—soaking wet with Love. I am fascinated with life’s details and I search for words to describe them because it is adventuresome for me. I know in my head that innocence and vulnerability are beautiful and freeing, and the more I practice this Truth, the more I know it with every ounce of my being. As I acknowledge and embrace the beauty of the Goddess, I acknowledge and embrace the beauty of my own inner feminine. I see life as an amazing and beautiful gift, and with each day I become more and more open to receiving it. I think that life is delicious, and I am so grateful to be a part of it!

Part II coming in the next issue of Judith's Table.

Dr. Trish Whynot is a Holistic Counselor and Doctor of C.O.R.E. Education. Patricia Whynot, D.C.Ed. "Dr. Trish" completed her Doctoral Degree at the Institute of Transformational Studies and is a member of the American Society of Alternative Therapists and North Shore Women in Business. She is dedicated to the "Artistry and science of crafting exceptional lives" through the practice of ASAT™ C.O.R.E. Counseling. She utilizes meditation, aromatherapy and crystals in her alternative approach to eliminating the root cause of problems. She experiences life as an amazing journey and assists those ready to view their lives from a healing perspective. Private appointments available via phone or in person at her Middleton, MA office. Visit www.holisticoncepts.com for information.